There’s an increasing trend in married or long-term, committed couples choosing to live in separate homes. It’s become known as the “live apart together” (LAT) relationship. There are various reasons couples choose to go this route. Different sleep schedules, a desire for solitude or autonomy, and of course, differing levels of cleanliness and hygiene. When we read about some of the irritating, infuriating and sometimes filthy things some partners do, we really aren’t too surprised.
People have been sharing the highly annoying bad habits of their boyfriends and husbands, and we must take our hats off to them for their saintly patience. From throwing trash directly into the pantry next to perfectly good food, to storing dozens of used, empty water bottles under the bed, it seems some men could enter a special rally for driving their other halves up the wall—if there ever were such a thing.
Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the worst things guys have done to annoy their significant others. Brace yourself, and be warned, a few might have you wanting to delete all dating apps in favor of staying single forever.
An estimated 10 percent of couples in Western Europe, the United States, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia live apart. And we aren’t talking long-distance relationships because of careers, family commitments or finances. These are couples that could live under the same roof but choose not to.
The increasing trend is known as the “live apart together” (LAT) relationship. And a quick scroll through some of the pics on this list are making the idea super appealing… to me, at least.
Couples are choosing the LAT way of life for different reasons: sleep schedules, levels of cleanliness, a desire for solitude and autonomy, and sometimes as a last resort to save their relationship.
Sharon Hyman calls these independent couples “apartners” – committed partners who live apart. And she is half of one. The Montreal filmmaker has lived separately from her long-term partner for around 25 years.
She’s even made a documentary called Apartners: Living Happily Ever After Apart and has founded an international group for people in LAT relationships. One could even argue she’s the GOAT of LAT. So we were thrilled when she agreed to chat to us about “apartnership”.
We begin by asking Hyman to share a bit of her own love story with us, and how she ended up in a LAT relationship. “When I first met my spouse David, who is from Seattle, he was in my hometown Montreal for a short-term work contract. He had his modest apartment and I had mine, and we lived 15 minutes apart,” she tells us.
“It quickly became clear to us that we wanted to spend our lives together, so his short-term contract became a forever commitment and he settled permanently in Montreal. But we still remained living 15 minutes apart.”
Hyman says the couple considered moving in together early in their relationship but realized that living apart actually worked best for them. “We feel that we truly have the best of both worlds – a deeply loving and committed relationship, companionship and love, as well as the time and space apart that we both appreciate and cherish,” she said.
My husband said we would eat the tiramisu together after our 17 months goes to bed. Our LO was crying so I went to calm her down. Came back to him playing video game and ate almost all of the tiramisu slice. Smh.
Hyman says living apart won’t work for all couples but people should know that it is an option and not all relationships need to fit into a traditional mould. “So many people feel that they must follow the same trajectory for love that is promoted in Hollywood movies and romance novels, namely, you meet, you fall in love and you are expected to move in together. But why? For many, they are looking for a companion and partner, not a roommate. And so many relationships suffer because they feel this pressure to cohabitate, when really living apart is working best for them,” she explained.
“Not every couple is meant to live apart … Nor is every couple suited to living together,” says Hyman. Those who choose the LAT lifestyle do so for different reasons. “They could have different work schedules, different temperaments, different levels of cleanliness, children from prior relationships, they are taking care of elderly parents, working in different states, or just really need complete silence and solitude for part of the time,” says Hyman, adding that what’s most important is finding what works best for you as a couple.
There are an array of benefits to living apart, says Hyman. One is that it allows you to retain your autonomy while being fully committed to a life partner. “It offers you the freedom to pursue your own goals and thus become a happier and more fulfilled person, which can only help to improve any relationship,” the expert told Bored Panda. “Happier people make happier partners. Or apartners.”
Hyman says LAT also allows you the ability to devote more time and energy to other relationships, be it family, community, volunteering, being a good friend, neighbor and citizen.
“We gain so much from having a diversity of relationships,” she explains. “I feel that when we expect everything from one person, namely our significant other, it is putting way too much pressure on one relationship, which often leads to its demise. No one person can provide for all of our needs. No one can be your ‘everything’, except you.”
Ok, I (28f) went over to my boyfriend’s (25m) house for the first time (been dating about a month), and I had somehow never noticed his pillow situation before. When I noticed, I made a comment about how long he’s had the pillows and apparently he’s been using them since he was a kid.
So, I asked him if he had any other pillows and he said he just had the pillow on the left of the first picture, but that his cat usually sleeps on it. I said I don’t really want to sleep on those pillows, and id prefer to sleep at my own place (with clean pillows).
His response? He waited for a minute and then said he would be sad to see that I would choose something as small as pillows come between us spending the night together, but that if I needed to go, that he understood.
I ended up going home and spending the night at my own house instead. I asked if I could bring my own pillows and gently suggested he get rid of his. He said it was totally fine for me to bring a pillow, but that he wouldn’t get rid of his, as they are ‘sentimental’.
Thoughts? I feel like I can’t even kiss him or anything while we’re sleeping because I don’t want him to get his gross pillowness all over me and my clean pillows.
I asked my bf if he had made any plans for Valentine’s day and he told me he would take me out for dinner….well now we’re not even doing that, so he got me chocolate to make up for it. Then proceeded to eat it all. No card, no flowers….literally no effort at all.
”Our relationship is no different from any other committed, lifelong relationship — it just happens to operate from two separate addresses,” wrote Hyman in a personal essay published on the Today site.
She says she’s often had her relationship compared to a “friends with benefits” situation. “Those are some benefits!” she jokes. “I don’t know too many casual daters who are the executors of each other’s estates and have each other’s powers of attorney.”
The LAT expert believes that creating physical space can actually bring partners closer together. And help save your sanity. “When you remove the petty things that couples often argue about: chores — whose turn it is to do the dishes, ‘pick up your socks off the floor!’ and financial issues — ‘why did you spend money on this or that’ etc. then you are left with what is really important in a relationship – being there for one another, fully present and caring and loving in sickness and in health,” says Hyman.
“When we are together it is intentional and precious, she adds. “And when we are apart we can savour missing one another, an underrated emotion that can keep passion and love alive because we will always appreciate one another and never take each other for granted.”
Time and space definitely can enhance a relationship, she told Bored Panda, adding that it allows each partner to recharge their batteries so that they have more energy and presence of mind when they are together.
I’ve learned I have to be super specific when I ask him to do things. I always forget! Love him and all of his imperfections.
Living apart doesn’t mean couples won’t argue now and again. But it does offer both partners the chance to cool off when arguments do occur, so they can come back together in a healthier and more constructive manner.
If your partner drives you up the wall but you still want to live under the same roof, experts say there are ways to address their bad habits without it blowing up into a massive fight, or hurting their feelings.
New York City–based clinical psychologist and couples therapist Sabrina Romanoff says if something is irritating you, the worst thing you can do is let it fester. Bring it up to your partner sooner rather than later—before resentment builds up and you instinctively snap at them, she told SELF magazine.
i was going to cry but he said he’s going to buy me a new one this week and treat me to dinner so i managed to suck my tears back lol. luckily the joycons weren’t attached so that’s a bonus.
Romanoff cautions that the way you approach the issue is important. “Don’t criticize someone without an actionable request,” she advised. So don’t say things like “You always forget to tell me about your plans until the last second,” or “It’s so annoying that you don’t clean up after yourself and I’m stuck washing your dirty dishes.”
Those kinds of complaints are counter-productive, warns the expert, and they’re likely to leave your partner feeling attacked and defensive. Rather “explain the impact it has on you and make a request for what you’d like them to do instead,” suggests Romanoff.
As irritating as some things are, the key is to find a solution, if you want the behavior to stop. This will more than likely lead to a meaningful discussion and not an argument, says Romanoff.
“Your partner won’t feel like you’re nagging, and they’ll probably have a better understanding of how they influence you and how you can function better together.”
Easier said than done, when looking looking at some of the examples on this list. But it’s worth a try… Either that, or you could consider LAT.
This is the lotion rubbed in… He uses this amount of hand lotion very frequently. When he rubs his hands together it sounds like a bad p***o while I’m trying to fall asleep.
Whom I love so much drives me insane with the trash bin. I appreciate him taking the garbage, but he never puts the bag in when he does. It isn’t garbage day, so I wasn’t anticipating the empty bin and tossed coffee grounds in before noticing. Yes, I’ve talked to him about it. Yes, we both deal with the garbage. He does so much for the home, he just tends to not finish this particular job. I have resigned myself to living with this one character flaw until I die.
…then walked into the kitchen just as my husband was bounding in whispering “oh s**t oh s**t!” He had preheated the oven for a nice meal of leftover baked spaghetti and forgot the high chair tray was in there.
Currently waving dish towels in the air to keep the smoke alarm from waking the toddler. Oh, and ordering in. Probably should be saving money though, since we have to get a new oven now? No idea how to even begin cleaning this…
Title says it all really. I grabbed a new toothbrush last week. My husband got a new one this morning after opening a new pack and grabbed the same color.
We’ve been having issues with our neighbors keeping their trash properly contained and we’re the ones that have to clean up after them. This was my husband’s solution to that problem. However, they were too contained for the trash men to take. We live in a major city and they have thousands of houses to get to. I’m on their side. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
As I said, my husband insists on doing his own laundry even though laundry day is Friday, he wants it done Thursday and I work Thursday, so I start my normal Friday 7 loads and open the dryer to this. I’ve used rubbing alcohol which is turning the paper towel blue at least but the stains remain on the dryer plus I have doubts of running this thing with all that alcohol on there it’ll explode. I need help! I attempted a small bit of oven cleaner that did nothing, also goo gone did nothing. I guess I’ll be going to a laundromat until then.
Just like the title says he decided to pressure washer the algea off the screens….he was not accurate….they all look like that….yes it’s that noticeable…no he sees nothing wrong.
In late June I sprouted my own pumpkin seeds with my 3yr old son. We’ve been so excited to see the pumpkin plant grow and thrive. My husband decided to mow the lawn yesterday, along with the only fruitful part of our plant. He thought the trellising vines with buds were “overgrowth”.
Sorry for the weird camera angle, but I’m trying to block out the personal photos. Dirty socks on the coffee table and old jerkey wrapper sitting literally on the table above the trash can.
How do I get him to clean up after himself? He sleeps on his stupid cot after awhile of him not cleaning up. We live in a 1 bedroom so why does he trash it so much all the time. I’m SO tired of cleaning up after him all the time. The first image is my side of the bathroom counter. I usually keep it cleaner
I’m so thankful my boyfriend can cook and it’s not just up to me. I bought this thing of smoked paprika LAST week and I wake up today and it’s literally all gone. These things are $5 a pop after tax!
I use two tablespoons MAX and that’s only if I’m cooking a dish for like 5 people. usually it’s just a few shakes of food just for us!
I love paprika and some spice in my food, but genuinely I think I would shrivel up and pass away from the paprika overload if I used an entire one of these things in a week. he’s only cooked three or four times since I bought it, so I’m not over-exaggerating at all when I say he is dumping this stuff in his meals.
Am I overreacting if I make him buy me a replacement, as well as making him buy his own giant container of smoked paprika for him exclusively?
My husband uses this clip to hold up his favorite sweat pants because the elastic is so worn out on them. He won’t buy himself a new pair (nor will he let me buy them for him). Btw, it’s not a money issue at all; We have more than enough to buy a pair of sweatpants.
[ad_2]
Source link
