I can’t believe it, just as no one can
believe it: the famous 50th high school reunion has cropped up on me. The
sentiments have long been expressed: it went so fast. It seems like a cliché,
the 50th… are we really that old?
And then there’s the big sigh. And the
big question we each ask the one or two friends we’ve stayed in touch with all
these years. “Are you going to go?” And, “What’s the point?”
Read What Do You Look for in Friends After 60?
The Ladder
This sigh is different from the ones
you may have had in response to earlier reunions. The 10th reunion is about
competition left over from high school – seeing who’s still hot, who got fat,
who has the better job, who is married, who has kids.
High school rivalries, insecurities,
and cliques are still in play. There’s still the possibility of connecting with
a former love – or finding a new love.
Well, that’s a possibility at every
reunion, isn’t it? Rekindling.
The 20th reunion is when we’re well on
our way in life, though still comparing careers, children, marriages made,
divorces, money earned or not.
At the 30th, we’re in our primes, and
people are on second careers, divorced, starting over, moving. Life has been
“felt.” You are who you are and where you are in your life, and for the most
part, people have stopped comparing.
The 40th rolls around and you can’t
believe you’re – OMG! – 60! We quietly compare the wear and tear on our bodies.
It’s a very relaxed reunion.
Which is why when you get to the 50th,
you think, what’s the point? To see how old we’ve become? To see who looks
older or “worse” than you do? (“Who are all these old people?”)
Now it’s the grandchildren game –
who’s got some, who’s got none. Who’s living the happiest retirement, who’s
still proud to be working, and who’s not happy to be working.
The 50th is the reunion many people
opt out of, thinking, “I don’t need to do this again. We won’t ever see each
other again. What do we have in common really, anyway?”
Read Ageless Bonds: An Exploration of the Vital Importance of Friendships as We Grow Older.
It’s a Privilege to Go to Your 50th Reunion
When I was on the fence about going, I
asked our reunion coordinator (bless his heart!!!) to send me a list of deceased
classmates. Shock. Dismay.
That did it. They couldn’t go to the
reunion, but I could.
You should go to your 50th reunion for
the simple fact and joy that you’re still alive. It’s an honor and a privilege
to be able to attend. Being alive is the point: it’s everything. If your class
decides to hold a reunion after the 50th, an even higher percentage will be
gone.
Read Can Long-Term Friendships Endure in Later Life?
Don’t Live with Regret
I didn’t particularly want to go to my
50th, but when I asked myself the question I always ask myself when I’m waffling
about something, “Would you regret it if you didn’t go?” my answer was yes.
Yes, I would regret not going. I would
always wonder. I would say to myself: why were you being so silly? I booked the
plane and the hotel immediately and rallied my friends to join me.
Read The Bonds of Women’s Friendships: A Testament to Strength, Support, and Lifelong Evolution.
Talking About the Present, Not the Past
The 50th reunion is not about
comparing anymore. Nor is it time to talk about the past as we did at other
reunions. Rather, it’s about meeting as adults with long, rich lives behind us.
We meet each other anew, fresh, like
new people at a great cocktail party. We meet with compassion and love, peace
and goodwill. Now it’s time to talk about the present, how the world got to be
the way it is, politics, cultural events, and how we plan to live our old age.
Read Lasting Relationships with Family, Friends, Acquaintances, and Colleagues.
Like It or Not, It’s Your Tribe
Your high school class is a group of
people like no other. Many of your high school classmates you’ve known since
kindergarten! That’s pretty amazing.
And for better or worse, you spent the
formative years of your crucial, memorable, tortured adolescence together. You
are bound together by a collective consciousness that is precious and rare.
Read “Want to Be Friends?” We Don’t Say That Anymore, but Maybe We Should
Tips for Attending a Reunion
Feeling nervous about your 50th reunion? These simple tips can help:
Reconnect Ahead of Time
Join your class’s Facebook group or email chain to break the ice and reconnect before the event.
Be Open-Minded
People change. Approach conversations with curiosity and kindness, focusing on the present rather than the past.
Bring Memorabilia
Yearbooks or old photos make great icebreakers and spark nostalgic conversations.
Dress for Comfort
Choose an outfit that’s comfortable and reflects your style.
Plan Conversations
Have a few easy questions ready, like “What’s been keeping you busy these days?” or “Do you remember when…?”
Take Care of Yourself
Relax before the event, and allow time afterward to reflect and unwind.
Read 10 Techniques to Help You Prepare for Your Big High School Reunion or Family Gathering.
Hey, It’s Iconic!
Go, if for no other reason then just
because it’s an iconic thing to do — “to go to your 50th high school reunion.”
Join the club, join the conversation.
As I navigate in my present day world,
I meet people and tell them I’m going to my 50th, and many of them say, “Oh,
it’s great, I went to mine!”
Join the party! Adolescence is iconic,
it never changes its stripes no matter how much tech is in the picture. Well,
so is a 50th high school reunion an iconic thing to do.
If I have made one person, who reads
this article, decide to go to their 50th reunion, I will consider my job well
done! Next up: a report on what happened at that memorable event!
Read Staying Social After 60: How to Make Someone’s Day by Watching for Opportunities to Connect.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What is your reasoning for going (or not going) to your 50th high school reunion? If you already went,
any thoughts to share? Let’s hear details from the frontlines!
