It started when I was 40. A dull ache in my fingers and stiffness in my ankles. I was a fitness and dance teacher at the time, so I put it down to overdoing it in my classes. However, over the months that followed, the dull ache turned into severe pain and swelling. My ankles swelled up so much that I couldn’t walk even a few steps without extreme pain. My fingers resembled little sausages, and it became difficult to pick anything up or hold a pen to write.
After many consultations and tests, I was finally diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis and so began a lengthy process of trying out different medications – Methotrexate, Sulfasalazine, Arava to name a few, plus steroid injections, physiotherapy, anti-inflammatory creams and endless blood tests to check liver and kidney function. On top of this, I experienced a tiredness that I had never felt before. It was more than feeling tired; it was extreme fatigue.
Embracing Life’s Moments with Gratitude
As a body confidence coach, now, aged 65, I have learned how to live with this condition and, after many years of fighting it and bemoaning my body for the changes that were happening, I now accept – and dare I say appreciate – my arthritis. The appreciate bit is hard to write. Part of me says, how could you appreciate 25 years of pain and struggle with this condition?
And yet, here I am. I’m alive. I do things differently now. I take more time for me, and I rest when I need to. I say “No” to more of the things that I know will leave me feeling stressed or anxious. And I embrace the moments of my life with a gratitude and joy that, before, I took for granted.
Unexpected Teachers and Life Lessons
I believe that we all have powerful teachers in our life. I’m not really talking about the traditional role of a teacher as we would have had in school. It’s more about the unexpected teachers that we meet along the way as we journey through our life. Some of these come in the form of loss, others in finding our authentic purpose and greatest joy.
Some come through the kindness of strangers, relationships or the sweetness of knowing a beloved animal. Others come through adversity or pain of some kind and others arrive in the form of struggles with our body. There are hundreds of different teachers, and many are not recognized as such because we resist the lesson they bring.
Arthritis was one of these teachers. I resisted its lesson with all of my might. I battled against the pain and begged for things to go back to the way they were before. However, none of this brought me any ease or comfort. Over time, I realized that I was going to have to find a way to live with Arthritis and this began what I gently think of as “my journey home.”
Embracing Strength
When I taught my fitness classes, I only thought about strength as being how strong my body was or how heavy a weight I could lift. I talked about having core strength and showed people how to achieve this with effective exercises to shape, strengthen and define their abdominal muscles. And whilst this is powerful to have, it is our inner core of strength that I am most interested in now.
This is the kind of strength that gets you up in the morning when you haven’t slept and feel exhausted by the thought of the day ahead. It is when you have walked through the fire and have suffered great loss and yet you still look to the horizon of hope for possibilities.
It is our inner core that whispers to us when life feels too overwhelming or hard to bear, “go on my love, it’s okay, take another step, you can do this.” Our core is where our sense of identity lives. Physically, we may feel it just above our belly button, in our solar plexus. It is the place where we quake in fear and rise in strength. It trembles when we are scared and bubbles in joy when we are happy.
Shifting Perspective
An old dance teacher of mine once told me that the secret of his being able to dance and move long into his 80s was being able to adapt. His words came back to me as I realised that I too was going to need to adapt how I moved in order to continue doing what I loved. I began with my mindset. I started to appreciate the smallest things that my body could do and focused on what I could do instead of what I couldn’t.
Our imaginations are so powerful in helping to create positive changes in our life. It was with this in mind that I began spending a few moments every day visualising myself walking better and being able to do a few dance steps. There were other changes I made along the way. I began to eat more mindfully, becoming aware of the foods that would trigger a flare up or make me feel less energised.
One of the greatest things that I learned was to have more patience. To take my time and live more in the moment.
The Gifts of Arthritis
The lessons and gifts that Arthritis has brought me are far more than what it took away from me.
I discovered such wonderful things such as how pain moves and changes… it doesn’t stay the same. This brought me hope and glimmers of possibility as if pain can move and change in its intensity, then maybe I could eventually be in less pain. I learned how to take better care of me. How to make sure that I had space to rest when I needed to and not to overpack my work schedule.
I learned the value of community and that I was not alone in my journey with this disease. This was a huge comfort to me. On those nights when I couldn’t sleep because I was in pain, I cast my thoughts out to the thousands of others who might also be awake in those early hours, and I felt a little more connected and peaceful.
Celebrate the Little Things in Life
The little things in life became the big things. Just picking up my teacup without pain became a simple beautiful joy in my life. Being able to walk a little longer than the day before felt as if I had won the marathon. These days I am more inclusive of myself, my body and my abilities. I accept my own diversity with more ease and grace.
It might sound strange to say this, but having arthritis has brought me closer to my body in ways that I never expected. In my 20s, I demanded so much of my body. I was always trying to make it “perfect.” I pushed myself hard and was unkind to myself when I felt that I didn’t match up to others. I was intolerant of my body whenever I felt she had let me down and pushed even harder to achieve body perfection.
What I know now is that my dear body has always been perfect, and I am so grateful and humbled by her unwavering love. From my first diagnosis to where I am now, my body has done her best to be well and healthy. And, I am back teaching my beloved dance and fitness classes again.
4 Tips that Might Ease Your Journey with Arthritis
As I continue to move forward in my life and reflect back on my journey with Arthritis, I would love to share the following tips that have helped me through the years.
Trust Your Body
Although it may feel as if your body is letting you down, keep trusting in your body’s amazing ability to adapt and change.
Above All, Be Kind to Yourself
On the days that feel extremely challenging, treat yourself and your body with the utmost kindness. Take time to rest and focus with compassion and love on the areas of your body that hurt.
Breathe
A beautiful exercise is to close your eyes and imagine that you are breathing a golden light into the areas of your body that are affected with arthritis. This simple technique can help calm the nervous system and soothe you.
Write a Gratitude Journal
This simple practice helped me to focus on what was right with my body and not what felt wrong. Every day, write three to five things that you are grateful to your body for. This could be that you managed to stand a little better, or that you enjoyed being with your loved ones or simply that you are here to embrace another day in your precious life.
I would love to know your own tips for coming through any challenges you might have had. It’s so vital to share and pass on our stories of hope and encouragement to those who might need it. Or, if you would love to train as a Body Confidence & wellbeing coach, please get in touch. Thank you for reading.
I would love your company. To stay connected and for more tips and inspiration please follow me on Instagram.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What challenges are you going through right now? Are they physical or mental? How are you handling them and what have you learned from the process?
