When
someone asks me how I am, I say, “I have no complaints.”
No matter
where I am – grocery store, bank, real estate
closing table, church – my
statement of having no complaints usually gets a response.
Some
people just seem surprised that I don’t say the usual “fine.” Others chuckle. Some
question me, “Really? None?” It is not uncommon that someone says, “Yeah. Who
would listen if you did have complaints?”
My life
mission statement includes living on purpose, so to just mindlessly respond to
someone with a “fine” doesn’t seem intentional. I settled for “no complaints”
as a purposeful response to the frequent question.
“I have no complaints” also reminds me to not complain! It is as much a personal motivation as anything. Because I might be tempted to complain about a few things if I wasn’t intentionally not complaining.
For
instance:
The Weather
It is
often tempting to complain about the weather. Some days it is too hot for my
comfort. Others, too cold. It seems to rain often when our family has planned a
day at the river. It was never dry enough to do a controlled burn in our woods
this past spring.
But, the
weather changes day to day; sometimes hour to hour. We have a good home with
the ability to control the climate indoors.
The
seasons are glorious to behold, and seasonal changes of clothing is fun. There
are plenty of indoor, rainy day activities for our family. And for Pete’s sake – we have woods to stomp around in and enjoy, burned or not burned!
No need to
complain about the weather.
Other Drivers
Other
drivers can be pretty annoying – driving the
speed limit in the left lane, not using turn signals, not merging gently and
politely – and I do admit it takes some
self-control to not get so bothered.
I am glad
that in my pre-elderly years I have become more patient and tolerant and less
in a hurry so I can control my temptation to complain about other drivers.
Waiting on Hold
Being put
on hold used to annoy me a lot, but even that became less of an irritant after
watching a colleague put her phone on speaker and keep working while waiting on
hold. I should have thought of that!
I do like
those businesses that will give you a call back. That’s thoughtful. If I need
to make a call that may require waiting on hold, I can time my call and plan
for ways to make it tolerable, with less cause to complain.
Little Aches and Pain
Of course,
the aging process carries along a few telltale signs. A complaining foot. An
achy hip. Sometimes sore muscles as a reminder that I tried a new exercise two
days ago.
For a
while, I had nagging back soreness until I figured out I should not be in a
weight lifting class with 30-somethings.
While some
aches and pains are unavoidable as I age, I am doing a few things to stave off
as much of the inevitable as possible.
I walk a
lot and take the stairs. Every time. I work out with a friend who is younger
and who is a retired Athletic Director. She keeps us focused on core strength
and balance. And, I love yoga, both in a class and at home with videos.
Complaining
about aches and pains just makes them worse and using them to motivate me to
keep moving is much more productive.
Professionals Who Don’t Act Professionally
While I was working as a Realtor, I occasionally had cause to complain about the unprofessional behavior of other Realtors or Mortgage Lenders or Attorneys. I could tell you stories!
BUT, I
won’t. Because complaining about others’ actions is not going to result in any
positive energy at all. My blood pressure is low without medication and there
is no need to get it high over stressing about something I can’t control.
Politicians
who seem to have forgotten they serve the people? No need to waste my breath complaining
about them.
Unjust
actions by people in positions of authority (police, teachers, pastors, etc.)
who take advantage of their title? No need to generate negative energy that
only hurts me and doesn’t change anyone.
A system
that is broken and under-funded? I can only wisely manage my own finances and
plan for a future that has uncertainties.
I can
vote. I can write letters. I can stand in the gap on occasion. I can volunteer.
I can contribute. I can listen. I can soothe. Those are much better ways to
expend energy than complaining.
Kids These Days
And what
about present day kids? Ha, ha! Nope. No complaints about this. Even though it
was a while ago, I remember being young and finding my way. I wore skirts too
short and swimsuits too skimpy. I pierced my ears when “nice girls” didn’t
(according to my mother).
I smoked
cigarettes and drank alcohol before I was legal. I even smoked pot a few times
(and inhaled) when it was a felony to possess even a seed. It only made me
paranoid, so that didn’t become a problem, but I did experiment. If I was
younger now, I would definitely get a tattoo.
While I am
concerned with education and employment opportunities for young people, I am
not worried about the generations younger than mine.
While there
are temptations to err and risks to health and just plain stupid mistakes that
will be made by some, there are plenty of smart and enterprising and capable
people younger than me who will solve as many problems as they create.
The 13-year-old son of a client went to Washington D.C. to receive an award for a “future technology” competition. He was delighted to meet Bill Nye, the Science Guy.
My own daughter works in a Nurse-Family Partnership program, developing relationships with at-risk moms with a view of changing generational and societal habits.
She
fearlessly goes in the homes of her clients and loves them through pregnancy
and the first two years of learning to be a mother. The research of how these
relational programs can change lives is inspiring.
I trust
the future is in capable hands.
The Cost of Food, Gasoline or Anything Else
I was tempted to complain about a rise in gasoline tax in our state. But then my husband reminded me of how much we enjoy travel and good roads.
Of course,
I remember waiting in line for 10-cent-a-gallon gasoline during a “gas war” in
the 70s, but I also remember when minimum wage went from $1/hour to $1.15.
My father
died in 1979. He had worked for the same company since returning from WWII. He
was a skilled and talented sign painter. He had no retirement (the stress of
which most likely contributed to his early death – along
with a diet of saturated fats, sugars, and some not-so-great genes).
He was
making a bit more than $6.00 an hour when he died. 40 years later, he would not
believe the wealth and security that is available to many in the United States.
Still, we lacked little, even on his limited salary.
The truth
is that I can afford anything I need and a lot of what I simply want but could
live without. Thankfully, neither my husband nor I require medications that
might tempt us to complain about the cost. But, also, with Medicare, at least
for now, even medications would be affordable in most cases.
There is
really not much to complain about in reality. Complaining is just another habit
that could drain me and make me unhappy.
It might
be easy to fall into complaining if I’m not reminding myself often of how truly
blessed I am. By adopting my signature “I have no complaints” response to even
casual greetings of “How are you?” I remind myself to be grateful for all the
good parts of my life – of which
there are plenty.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How do you engage with people around you? What do you do to keep focused on the positive? Can you resist the temptation to complain? What’s your response to the usual “How are you?” Please share with our readers!
