Remember your 20s? Lots of fun, but lots of turbulence too, right? Especially in the romance department. Love and relationships in your 20s were often like having a mouth full of Pop Rocks.
There was anticipation – “Will I like this or hate it?”
Then some sizzling – “Oooh, this is weird, kinda wild, and sort of fun.”
A couple of small explosions that caught you off guard – “Whoa, I didn’t see that coming.”
Then things kind of fizzled out, and you’re left wondering if it was worth all the hype.
Of course, it all generally was. And for many of you, one of those Pop Rocks eventually turned into an everlasting gobstopper that you may still be enjoying even now.
As you enter the middle years of life, however, your tastes and desires when it comes to love may have changed, and those changes can be a source of anxiety for some.
How the Landscape of Love Changes
Change is uncomfortable for many people, especially if it seems to be veering away from the norm or from an accepted and understood state.
If your understanding of romantic relationships is that they should be full of physical desire and sexual activity, then feeling like that’s not right for you any longer can make you question yourself and your partner (or potential partner).
But whether due to,
- Menopause
- Shift in priorities
- Physical limitations
- Divorce
- Loss of a spouse/partner
Many in their 60s and beyond find themselves wanting to experience love in a way that’s outside the traditional romantic framework.
It’s not uncommon for someone to want more than friendship and still crave the intimacy of romance but not be as interested in the pressure of sex and hormone-driven antics.
But is this normal? And what’s one to do about it?
This is where platonic romance comes into play.
It’s not a new concept. Throughout history, it’s had several names. Boston Marriage, Romantic Friendship, Companionate Love, or Alterous Relationship are just a few.
No matter what you call it, what you’re referring to is a close, intimate, and deeply committed relationship without a regular (or any) sexual component. And it’s perfectly normal so long as it satisfies both partners.
However, there are still those who question whether platonic romance is a healthy arrangement.
The general answer to that question is yes, it is. It can be one of the healthiest situations for many and has a bevy of benefits for certain couples. But it’s not for everyone, and there are several things to consider.
Benefits of a Platonic Romance
If your needs and desires have changed as you’ve aged, a platonic romance may be the right solution. There are many advantages to this arrangement if it’s the right fit.
Keep in mind that these gains can apply to all stages of a relationship, whether your relationship is new, or your decades-long marriage has changed.
Platonic love offers,
Emotional Connection
One of platonic romance’s biggest advantages is the deep, emotional bond it offers.
Many couples in their 60s and beyond find companionship, trust, and sharing experiences are much more important in a relationship than sex.
Reduced Pressure and Expectations
Platonic romances don’t come with pressure for physical intimacy.
This can be particularly freeing for those whose desires have changed or who have health conditions that impact their ability to be sexually active.
Companionship
Many in their 60s and beyond suffer with loneliness, especially after a divorce or the death of a spouse.
A platonic, romantic partner can provide companionship without the complications of physical intimacy. Having someone to share daily life with can make aging a more fulfilling experience.
Someone to Care, Watch, and Support
As we age, having a strong support system becomes increasingly important.
Platonic partners often help one another navigate health issues, financial planning, and daily life.
A New Definition of Love
When most think about romantic love, they automatically assume a sexual component. For many, that’s the line between friendship and romance. But when you think about it, you realize that’s really not the case.
Romantic love denotes a deep, unique, and important connection to another person, one that differs from the way you feel about other friends. A level of vulnerability and affection exists that sets this relationship apart from the others.
This is love, and it’s an even stronger and deeper bond than one whose strength ebbs and flows depending on sex.
Special Considerations When in a Platonic Romance
Although a platonic romance may fit the bill for many couples, it’s not without its pitfalls. So, before settling in, you must be prepared for the following complications.
Misaligned Expectations
One of the biggest problems in companionship romances is the failure to define the parameters.
One partner may feel like the pathway is set, while the other assumes there will be additional components, namely sexual, that will become part of things along the way. This can be especially difficult for new romances.
So, if you’d like platonic romance, you’ll need to be clear with your partner (and possibly more than once) to avoid future problems and heartache.
Changing Desires
It’s not uncommon to think you want one thing only to find that you’d really like more.
This can be true for both men and women. If you find yourself wanting more, it’s crucial to be honest with yourself and your partner.
Feeling That Something’s Missing
Physical intimacy plays a big part in most of our lives. Sometimes it can be hard to come to terms with the absence of that aspect of romance.
Even if you have no desire to be sexually intimate, it can still feel like there’s something missing and that’s something you’ll need to reconcile within yourself.
Unfulfilled Desires
Whether you’re a woman or a man, wanting something more and feeling like there’s no avenue to get it can be extremely frustrating.
These unfulfilled desires can create resentment, inspire infidelity, or a turn to other outlets, such as porn, in some. This is another reason each partner needs to be clear about their wants and expectations within the bounds of a platonic romance.
Some Clarifications Regarding Romance and Aging
There are many misconceptions about romance and aging. Since we’re talking about platonic romance, it’s worth clarifying some things for those reading.
Romance as You Age Does NOT Have to Fall into the Platonic Category
Many people, both men and women, have extremely strong sex drives throughout their entire lives. It’s important to be open about your desires with your partner and look for ways for each of you to feel fulfilled.
Sex Is Important and Desired by Many
Sex, so long as you’re healthy enough for it and both partners are equally interested, is a highly beneficial activity that can reinforce feelings of love, relieve stress, and promote mental health.
Physical Intimacy Doesn’t Have to Be About Sex Specifically
Touching, cuddling, closeness, and holding hands are also forms of physical intimacy and have many of the same benefits as intercourse.
Platonic Romance Is Beneficial in Its Own Right
It’s also fine to enjoy a romantic relationship in a more platonic fashion. As explained above, there are many benefits to platonic romance.
The most essential part of any of these romantic configurations is to ensure that both partners are on the same page and feel satisfied. This requires direct, honest communication.
And why not? One of the benefits of aging is that we’re better able to stop worrying about opinions and appearances and be direct about what we want. After all, who’s got time to play games when there’s happiness to be had?
So, whether you want to keep eating the Pop Rocks, are happy with your Gobstopper, or have found the benefits of a good Butterscotch, just make sure you’re enjoying your relationship on terms that work for both you and your partner.
Also read, Which Way Should I Swipe? What To Consider When You’re Dating After 60.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Are you in a platonic romance? Or does platonic romance seem like it could be the right fit for you now? Perhaps you’ve already tried it and now want something more? Whatever the case, please share your experiences and become part of the conversation.
