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Everyone deserves some degree of privacy, even in a committed relationship.
While Reddit user EcstaticGarden9961 understands this, he decided to breach that of his boyfriend’s.
In a post on r/TwoHotTakes, the man explained that he wouldn’t have done this normally, but lately, he had this hunch that something was off. So, when an unusual opportunity presented itself and he gained access to his partner’s messages, he just couldn’t resist the temptation.
Now, he’s left grappling with the moral implications of his actions and the painful truth he uncovered.
These men were living together, but it was as if they were having two different relationships
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One stayed at home and thought they were exclusive while the other traveled around the world and partied with others
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EcstaticGarden9961
Image credits: Guillaume Issaly / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The mere fact that you want to go through your partner’s phone might already be a sign that something’s wrong
“[Digital snooping] says that you don’t trust that what your partner tells and shows you is who they really are,” psychologist Ryan Howes explains, “and that their true self is [instead] reflected in their communication and searches on their phone.”
Such secret surveillance can perpetuate even more secretive behavior in the relationship. But many still do.
According to a survey conducted by Secure Data Recovery, 66% of Americans admit to snooping through their current or ex- partner’s device.
And while about half (53%) report finding something incriminating or concerning, just a little over a third report not feeling any regret or remorse afterward.
Yes, “it could mean that you have tangible evidence that your partner is being deceptive,” Howes says. “Maybe there have been concrete examples of this from the past, or maybe you know they have a history of infidelity … You’re searching because you want confirmation that they are being deceitful or that they aren’t.”
However, it’s also possible our partner hasn’t done anything and we’re just paranoid.
“You bring an irrational fear into the relationship that they aren’t really honest and/or committed to you,” Howes adds. “If you don’t have any evidence to suggest otherwise, and you search anyway, you’re probably the one intruding on their privacy and doing damage to the relationship. Your fears may be more based in your self-esteem, your capacity for intimacy, or your history of being deceived in past relationships.”
Rather, we should think about why we’re feeling suspicious of our partner in the first place. Do they have a history of lying and cheating? Have they given you a reason to think they might be hiding something from you?
If so, we should instead try to bring up our worries in a mature, non-confrontational way. However, relationships can be messy, and there’s no one magical solution for every couple.
As his story went viral, the man joined the discussion in its comment section
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